come on out slackers...
where the heck is everyone? well since I'm the only one who's posted in ages, I'll just ramble to myself. :P
so where do I start? I do have a question that I'm almost afraid to ask. where do I fit in, in this crazy world? is it normal for a grown, married woman with a child to ask that? I never felt insecure and lost when I was a teenager/early 20s. That's when most people are unsure of themselves but back then I was confident, knew where I wanted to go and what I wanted to do.
Fast forward & here I am almost mid-30s, as happily married as the next person, have a child and feel like I'm going in circles, spinning my wheels. I'm trapped in a job that I used to love but now despise. And how did that happen? You know, they say that having kids changes you, and it does but not nearly as much as the people around you. Why do we have to choose, career or famliy? I've always been a major asset to my dept @ work. I'm the Go-To person when anyone has a problem or just needs guidance on how to handle a situation. So why do I feel like an outsider since having my daughter? Nevermind that I drop my daughter off at daycare the second the doors open at 7am so I can be at work by 7:30, I never take my breaks, etc but heaven forbid I leave at 5:00 to get to daycare before the late fees kick in. I hear about THAT constantly with snide remarks from my supervisor. I mean, I literaly see my daughter for about 3 hours a day. I hate it. Due to medical issues, she is our one and only, I want to be able to spend time with her because they are only little once. But no, I have to 'appear' to be dedicated to a company ran by drunken, swingers whose only concern is where the next party is and who is going to be there for them to 'do'.
I have a hobby (that I normally enjoy) but trying to make it into a business has zapped the fun right out of it. I need to figure out where I'm going with that because I wanted to quit my job when my DD starts kindergarten in about 18mos. Regardless of whether I have my biz up & running, I'm out of there! I'm a plan-a-head-er so I guess the unknown scares me a little.
Sorry if you've made it this far. I don't expect anyone to have the answers just need to put into writing what's been swirling in my head for a couple of months. Yes, I have issues, I know this. LOL!
so where do I start? I do have a question that I'm almost afraid to ask. where do I fit in, in this crazy world? is it normal for a grown, married woman with a child to ask that? I never felt insecure and lost when I was a teenager/early 20s. That's when most people are unsure of themselves but back then I was confident, knew where I wanted to go and what I wanted to do.
Fast forward & here I am almost mid-30s, as happily married as the next person, have a child and feel like I'm going in circles, spinning my wheels. I'm trapped in a job that I used to love but now despise. And how did that happen? You know, they say that having kids changes you, and it does but not nearly as much as the people around you. Why do we have to choose, career or famliy? I've always been a major asset to my dept @ work. I'm the Go-To person when anyone has a problem or just needs guidance on how to handle a situation. So why do I feel like an outsider since having my daughter? Nevermind that I drop my daughter off at daycare the second the doors open at 7am so I can be at work by 7:30, I never take my breaks, etc but heaven forbid I leave at 5:00 to get to daycare before the late fees kick in. I hear about THAT constantly with snide remarks from my supervisor. I mean, I literaly see my daughter for about 3 hours a day. I hate it. Due to medical issues, she is our one and only, I want to be able to spend time with her because they are only little once. But no, I have to 'appear' to be dedicated to a company ran by drunken, swingers whose only concern is where the next party is and who is going to be there for them to 'do'.
I have a hobby (that I normally enjoy) but trying to make it into a business has zapped the fun right out of it. I need to figure out where I'm going with that because I wanted to quit my job when my DD starts kindergarten in about 18mos. Regardless of whether I have my biz up & running, I'm out of there! I'm a plan-a-head-er so I guess the unknown scares me a little.
Sorry if you've made it this far. I don't expect anyone to have the answers just need to put into writing what's been swirling in my head for a couple of months. Yes, I have issues, I know this. LOL!
posted by Jenn at 9:13 PM
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